the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
