I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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