he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
