he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
