I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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