haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
