I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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