I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
