he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
