Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
