Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize