dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
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in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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