Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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