My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went