well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
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i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked