i permit you to call me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
being pregnant is like rehab
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
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I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .