i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus