a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
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Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.