If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
