literally had 100 drinks last night.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
