ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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