so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
