i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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