Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
