I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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