Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
