First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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