Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
