Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize