you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
