You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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