I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
