ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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