ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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