It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
