Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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