lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
