I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
