***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
