Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
