my mouth tastes like poor choices
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
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Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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