after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
