so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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