you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
