my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
