I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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