My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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