is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
