Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
