ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
