i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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