I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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