remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You took a bar mat shot.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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