I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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