I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The best revenge is premature balding
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
there is glitter all over my balls
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
