I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
