we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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