Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
