she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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