It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
