youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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