Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
