Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
