The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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