rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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