dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
