Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
