that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
