She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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