i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Farmville is her only friend.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
