thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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