We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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