If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
